Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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