Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
