I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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