you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
