my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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