if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
