He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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