i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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