hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I AM VODKA MAN
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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