You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize