i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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