You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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