Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
