i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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