If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize