No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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