Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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