So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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