ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
