I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize