you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
