omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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