His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
