u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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