I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
