Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
