You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
