Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize