Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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