i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
