you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
