That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
