What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
