There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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