I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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