singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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