am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
