My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
