he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
there is puke in my bra ... again
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