Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
