i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So vagazzling was a success
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
