Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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