Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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