She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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