Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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