Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
