I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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