I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
