i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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