I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize