Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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