Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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