why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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