She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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