respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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