I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize