you lied. pity sex is amazing.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
