the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
