those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
