I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
