she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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