I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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