making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
