Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
