Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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