I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize