I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
pop tarts are not kleenex
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
