i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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