just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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