When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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