I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
