im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
