just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i will never coherently bang her
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
