he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
