So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
