I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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