He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize