I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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