if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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