highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
