My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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