I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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