the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
