I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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